oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
