# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
