It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
