i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
