u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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