did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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