I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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