As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
