I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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