get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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