i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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