I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
