I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
