You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
