So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
