He had one of those small greek statue penises
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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