Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.

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(240): View more from Maryland

EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

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(802): View more from Vermont

Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

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(979): View more from Texas

I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?

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(616): View more from Michigan

You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.

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