His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
