Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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