somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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