I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
