I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Houston, we have a squirter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
