I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Such a big mess for such a small penis
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
