No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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