I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
