She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My vagina just clenched in fear
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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