Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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