If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
