What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
