I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize