How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
