Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
