that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
