You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
