i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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