He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
