in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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