guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
