Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
