Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
