i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
