my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
