Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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