just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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