i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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