i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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