Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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