I cannot find my penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
