mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
