I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
