Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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