hell yes lets make some ravioli
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
