Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
