I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
