I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
