its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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