Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
