Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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