I look better un-naked...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
