things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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