I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
