Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
