yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
