you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
