i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
