I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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