i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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