Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
