rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
