Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
