Can i not drive my cunt home
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
