So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
