May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
