I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
